My Special Saturday
last weekend was certainly a highlight for me.
friday night we went to swallow at the hollow with brad and aimee and saw some really great music and had some awesome barbeque (i planned that evening). from there it was all down hill. it wasn’t quite as exciting as a will ferrel weekend “home depot, maybe a little bed bath and beyond….i just don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”
em was soooo sweet that she invited me over for breakfast (or so i thought). so, i show up about 10am hungry and ready to eat. em, is adept in the kitchen, so i just sat back and watched her finish up…until that is i smelt something awry. i asked how long the bacon had been in the microwave (cooking bacon in a microwave as a valid culinary technique i’ll leave for another day)and emily responded that she cooks them 1 minute per slice. how many slices you ask? 8!!!! 8 freaking minutes????
needless to say, the bacon had suffered a fate worse than death. it was not eaten.
i decided to cook some more bacon in the pan. a side thought, and an idea i haven’t employed yet, but think would make a good event for the “redneck olympics” would be cooking bacon with your shirt off. it’s gotta feel worse on the stomach than it does on the forearms. after i finished and emily showed me her splatter guard (which would have been handy) we sat down to eat.
unaware that emily was trying to kill me, i sat down and jellied up my biscuit. but wait, something about the jelly seems amiss.
apparently emily was indeed trying to poison me. those were real mold spores you saw there. i didn’t even know jelly could grow mold.
here emily says “you’re not going to put that in the blog are you?” but you can’t tell that’s what she’s saying b/c she wouldn’t turn around.
anyway, later that day we got to take her cat to get declawed (as pictured below)
and then she let me fix her weedeater, mow her yard, and hack weeds with a machete (ok, i actually REALLY did enjoy that last bit).
on sunday, having decided i hadn’t suffered enough, emily took me to see “monster in law.” if i could tell you all but one thing, with my dying breath i would scream out the words, never, EVER, under ANY circumstances go to a j-lo movie!!! and when j-lo has combined with a surgically reconstructed j-fo and a script so sugary sweet that cotton candy would have been more substantive….well, sleep would be a welcome respite from the horrors your eyes will see and your ears will hear. unfortunately, in my case, that sleep would not come. the good news is, i now have a full “clockwork orange” type thing for j-lo. a glimpse of her visage and i’m paralyzed with fear and shame (for having spent the $6). anyway, that was my special weekend. 🙂
